As we’ve seen over the past two weeks, learning to love ourselves is one of the most important things we can do for our own self-confidence, self-esteem, and general wellbeing. If we are to have any chance of achieving the happiness we so richly deserve, as unique and wonderful human beings, I hope you will agree with me by now, we need first to love ourselves. We’ve seen all the impediments to achieving the self-love and self-care that are our birthright. You might actually be thinking, by this point, that the deck is very much stacked against us!
Well, I’m here to tell you that is absolutely untrue! We have everything we need, inside of us, to achieve the self-love and happiness that we owe ourselves. Even more importantly, I have some incredibly easy practical steps to begin our journey of wiping out the past and building a new future through the things we say, think, and believe, today.
All those years of negativity from others and even from yourself have to be wiped away and dealt with. You need to learn the secret to LOVING YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY! As with any improvement in our lives the first step is easy – You need to make a conscious decision to love yourself. I know this may sound self-evident but you’d be surprised at how many people try to improve their lives but forget this most basic of actions – MAKE A DECISION! By choosing to love yourself unconditionally you are triggering a couple of things.
- You are telling your subconscious that this is real and you are going to do this, so you begin the process of ingraining the new affirmation into your subconscious and to begin wiping away all the negative programming that has built up over the years. (Remember though, from last week – this conscious decision will kick that little maniacal ego into action, to begin working against your decision, so you will need to be aware of this and ready to counter it).
- You are making a commitment, to yourself, to take full and complete responsibility for the outcomes in your life – to stop blaming others, the Universe, or just life in general, for anything negative that comes into your world. You are promoting yourself to the exalted rank of CAPTAIN of your own ship, in the sea of life.
“No other love no matter how genuine it is, can fulfil one’s heart better than unconditional self-love.”
– Edmond Mbiaka
Long-Term Structural Steps to Achieve Self-Love:
Fall in Love with Yourself: We’ve talked about this idea of “falling in love with yourself”, in previous blogs. Stop berating yourself for things you perceive as being your faults or shortcomings. We all do this – we focus on what we don’t like about ourselves instead of all the amazing things that make us the incredible individual we truly are. Be kind, be gentle, be loving to yourself. Think about it this way – we are taught from early on to be nice to other people, to praise them and not to criticize them. Why then, should it be any less for us, the most important person in the Universe, to be kind and compassionate to ourselves? It’s insane that we consistently drag ourselves down instead of building ourselves up.- Be Kind to Yourself: Make it a habit to praise yourself every single day and DON’T be embarrassed by it. One of the absolute best ways to do this is using the “mirror technique”. How many of you hate looking at yourself in the mirror? I know many of you will have bashfully put your hand up to that one. You need to face yourself, daily, look into your own eyes and tell yourself a host of positive affirmations. “I am amazing. I can do anything I choose to do. I am a unique being with unique talents. I am wonderful. I am capable. I am… (fill in the blank). Make it a habit to do this regularly, multiple times a day, if you can. Two things will happen – one, you’ll shut up that crazy ego inside your head and two, your subconscious will assimilate your positive affirmations and begin to believe them and more importantly, actively support them.
- Acknowledge Your Achievements: So often we forget to acknowledge or reward our achievements. We are the first to jump up and down and celebrate other’s achievements but we forget all about ourselves. That’s just plain wrong – we are as worthy of praise as anyone, so make sure you give yourself some. Celebrate your effort, regardless of the outcome of what you were doing. You tried!
- Forgive Yourself: So often we carry this immense burden on our shoulders from our past actions or decisions. It’s time to let it all go – forgive yourself. What happened in the past cannot be changed, so let it go. If you need to apologize to someone, by all means, do so but then move on.
“Forgive yourself. The supreme act of forgiveness is when you can forgive yourself for all the wounds you’ve created in your own life. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. When you forgive yourself, self-acceptance begins and self-love grows.”
Miguel Angel Ruiz
Express and Feel Deep Gratitude: Gratitude is so important to improving our feelings about ourselves. Be grateful for who you are, for your strengths and gifts. If you feel blessed it is so much easier to look at yourself with positive eyes and positive thoughts. You are alive, you are living on a blessed planet and you are capable of making an immense difference in your life. What a lot to be grateful for!- Cherish Your Dreams: Dream big – aim for the stars. Why deny your dreams? So many of us bury our dreams beneath a blanket of responsibilities, lack of time, financial worries, other’s expectations, our own insecurities – but why should we? Our dreams are what keep us striving to achieve, to be happy, to lead the life we really want. If you give up on your dreams, you give up on life. It reminds me of the title of a popular comedy series in Britain a few years ago. If you give up your dreams you are just; “Waiting for God”.
“Don’t die with the music still in you.”
Dr Wayne Dyer
Quick Practical Steps for Change:
- Sleep Properly: Getting a good night’s sleep is imperative if you are going to wake up in the morning refreshed, excited, and raring to go. It’s a lot harder to love yourself, if you are tired, grumpy, restless. One really great habit to get into is to fall asleep reciting your positive affirmations from the “mirror exercise” earlier. The subconscious is at its most receptive as you drift off to sleep.
Eat Properly: There’s nothing wrong with “treating” yourself, rewarding yourself for something you did or tried (in fact that is to be encouraged) but limit the treats and you’ll appreciate them more. A balanced, healthy diet, will make a balanced, healthy, you.- Spend “Alone Time” with yourself to think and maybe meditate: This is where you’ll really begin to discover the “real” you – the one that’s been hidden behind the giant wall of years of mental conditioning and negative self-talk. When you discover the “real” you, trust me, you will fall in love with yourself.
- Exercise Regularly: Easy to say, hard to do. Don’t we know it? So, start easy – go for a walk in the morning and soak up the beauty that surrounds you. We all know that when we exercise we release endorphins and endorphins make us feel great about ourselves and the world around us, so gently exercising is a massive boost to our self-love.
- Thank yourself and those around you regularly: Nobody is an island. As Sir Isaac Newton once said; “if I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.” We have much to be grateful for from others but don’t forget to thank yourself, also, for being the wonderful person you are.
- Allow Yourself Time to Play: As adults, we often forget that we still need to play, also. “All work and no play makes Jill a dull girl.” Spend some time EVERY single day doing something you absolutely love. It may be something as simple as sitting in the garden with a cup of tea, reading a good book. Whatever it is that spins your wheels – make sure you do it for yourself and your own wellbeing.
- Stay Away from Bad Habits: The two biggest bad habits to stay away from: 1. Self-criticism and 2. Criticism of Others (Gossiping).
- Stay Away from Toxic Influences: The most toxic influence you need to avoid is people who bring you down. I’m always amazed that so often we are drawn to people (they become our best friends) who constantly belittle us and bring us down. Why is that? If someone is constantly bringing you down, you need to jettison that person from your life, no matter how close they are. You are here to live YOUR life, for YOU, nobody else. Love yourself enough to let go of anyone who creates negativity in your life.
Finally, today, I’d like to introduce you to a concept I’ll be talking about a lot in next week’s blog on Self-Love and the “New Thought” movement; the notion of “following your bliss”. This concept was first brought to our consciousness by 20th Century mythologist, writer, and philosopher, Joseph Campbell.
Following your bliss is a vital part of the journey to self-love, self-fulfilment and self-actualisation. I’ll see you then.
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If you liked what you read here, please do check out our previous blogs. The last four can be found here:
- Self-Love: Stuff That Trips Us Up:
- Self-Love: Why is it Important:
- Crystals Through the Ages:
- Healing Crystals:
You may also wish to avail yourself of our fantastic FREE report: 3 Proven Ways to Pull More Prosperity to You in 30 Days. You can grab your copy of this here:
Finally, today, please do pop on over to the section of my website that highlights my Visionary Fiction “whodunit” mystery, Spirit of Prophecy, which incorporates many of the ideas and philosophies discussed in my blog into a fast-paced, fictional, thriller. I know you’ll enjoy it. You can find that here:
Till Next Time I’m Sending: Peace and Light
In my three recent blogs on happiness, I gave you some simple, yet very effective, practical steps you can take to ensure that you make that choice of happiness every single moment of your day. 
Maintain an attitude of GRATITUDE. Most of us think we are grateful people but when we sit down and analyse it, are we really? How quick are you to blame other people when things go wrong? How often do you say, “why me, what did I do to deserve this?” or “damn, nothing good ever happens to me”.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is, thank you, it will be enough.”
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is fear that is good and legitimate. It is what we know as the “fight or flight” response. When we are in potentially lethal situations, we have imprinted into our DNA an automatic fear that is meant to save us from these dangers. I’m not suggesting, for a second, that we get into a cage with a tiger, or try to cross a gorge on a thin tightrope (unless that’s your thing, of course). No, what I am talking about here is psychological fear – the type of fear that stops us from achieving our true potential as human beings.
So, forget that wild little ego chatter, forget what people will say (who cares?), and forget your innate sense of failure – failure is and has always been a crucial building block in success. Very few people get it “right” first time – but here’s the rub; if you don’t participate in the race, you sure can’t win it. You want to do all these things; whatever they are. They are the things that give you passion, joy, excitement and achievement – and it is your right to do them; but if you don’t even try because you are paralyzed by memories of past failures, you have condemned yourself to nothing more than mere existing.
In the immortal words of Mr. Nike,
You are incredibly special – you are a unique individual who has creative talents and abilities that nobody else that has ever lived or will ever live, has. When we realize that we are limitless in our potential then we actually can change the world. If we live to our own potential and continue to grow – if we become who we really are, instead of a facade or a mask that we put on every morning, we will live a life that is infinitely happier and more joyous than we do now. Imagine the effect of that on your loved ones, your work colleagues, your friends. They will marvel at this free, happy, contented you and as in the famous line from; “When Harry Met Sally”, they also will exclaim:
Life is SUPPOSED to be wonderful: This is absolutely true and for many, something that is equally hard to accept. Many of us were brought up in an environment where there was a scarcity of everything, where Mum and Dad (or whoever was responsible for us) worked relentlessly hard every hour in the day, 24/7, just to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. We grew up with the mind-set that life was hard, that nothing came easy, and that we would always struggle to make ends meet in this cruel, unforgiving world. The problem with that type of thinking is this: “Thoughts are things and they create the reality of the world around us “ If we believe life is hard and an eternal struggle, then that is what life will be. Let us aim to adjust our thinking, to believe in abundance and more specifically in abundance for US, personally. There’s a quote from Rhonda Byrne in her seminal work, “The Magic”, that I think describes this paradox perfectly.
Attitude is EVERYTHING: Your attitude determines what you think about, your emotional state, and your beliefs. What you think about, your beliefs, and your emotional state absolutely determines what will come into your life in the way of circumstances and people. Positive thoughts, positive emotions and positive actions will lead to an upgrade of positive outcomes. The reverse, is of course, equally true. This is an immutable law of the Universe – this is Newton’s Third Law of Thermodynamics – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Sometimes called Karma, it’s really quite simple; what you put out there into the Universe is what you’ll get back, from the Universe. What goes around, comes around.
LOVE is the ultimate power of the Universe: Almost every single leader, teacher, philosopher, and prophet, throughout history, has had the same basic message for us – LOVE one another. (The Golden Rule). There’s a reason for that – they knew the “secret”, they understood that love is the most powerful force in the Universe and that all positive things in life come from love, whilst all negative things, come from a lack of love. What an incredible shame it is, that we, humanity, have chosen to largely ignore this simple precept in favour of other dogma that suits our EGO, our plans, our ambitions, or our need for dominance over others.
The PRESENT is absolutely all that really matters to us. We cannot change what happened yesterday – yes we can apologise for our mistakes, perhaps try to atone for them but we cannot change what we did, how we reacted, or what we said. Yesterday is gone. Similarly, why waste our precious time worrying about the future, about what might happen, what potential pitfalls lie ahead? We make our own future by the way we think, act and react today! We are the masters of our own destiny, if only we realise it.
